To Whom It May Concern

To you who saw me struggling,
you who offered me
a "safe" place to stay
and get help;

To you who really did help
in the beginning,
you who listened and
became a trusted friend;

To you who betrayed my trust,
you who seized my freedom
and stole
my personal treasures;

To you who said one thing
then did another,
you who never tried
to understand;

To you who stood and watched
as I drowned in my tears,
you who tauntingly asked,
"why are you crying?";

To you who pushed me
to cut myself for the first time,
to slice my skin open
just to feel in control;

To you who punished me
for not believing in your god,
for trying to find
my own path;

To you who deceived,
you who tried to keep
the school from recognizing
my hard work;

To you who sinned,
you who kicked me out
the night before
I graduated with honors;

To you who had the audacity
to invite me over
for dinner
that very same night;

To you who puts on a facade,
you who acts like
the crimes you committed
never happened;

To you who sent me a self-righteous letter,
"I see your pain and
am willing to help when
you are no longer afraid";

To you who refuses to acknowledge
that you are the source
of all the pain I feel,
of all the nightmares;

To you who broke me
and stepped on all the pieces;
you who I will never forgive
and never forget;

To you who will no longer
plague my thoughts,
you who I now laugh at
for being so ignorant;

To you who will watch,
powerless
as I triumph over this
and snatch back my power;

Fuck you.

Three

Depression is lonely.

No one sees the grief you feel
Or the chasm in your heart.
No one gives you time to heal
Or any room to start.

No one hears the toxic thoughts
That swirl inside your head.
No one feels those subtle shots
That make you wish for death.

Every time you look for aid,
It's nowhere to be found.
Even friends who promise made
Have left you there to drown.

Now you wonder where to go,
You wonder, "what's my fate?"
But soon you'll see that once you know
It just might be too late.

Two

I gasp.
It strangles me in the night.
Its slimy digits surround.
Wraps its tendrils 'round my neck,
Violently pulling me down.

I sigh.
Heavy black smoke billows out
From my cracked, bleeding lips.
I feel it crawling inside me,
Probing and tensing its grip.

I cry.
Tears fall in sickening clumps,
Their poison tainting the air.
A foreign tongue laps them up,
Consuming the sweet despair.

I scream.
Breath catching in my throat,
The phantom hands squeeze tight.
Darkness overcomes my eyes,
Drowning out the light.

I die.

One

Every day is the same.
Another despair-filled game
Waiting to test me,
Waiting to see how far
I can bend before I break.

I force muddy air from my lungs,
Filling the sky with silent screams.
Calling for help in a bitter world
That refuses to understand
The pain I'm in.

Black thoughts strangle the light,

Drowning out my hopes and dreams.
My emotions flee into the night,
And I'm left as an empty shell
In this everlasting hell.